Graduation

The notion of “graduation” is a tricky one.

It boasts finality.

It warns (or promises)

an entire way of life has come,

and has gone,

overnight,

in an instant.

 And, while I believe (and delight) in milestones—with the accompanying rituals marking moments of crossing over from one era to another, I suppose, I take issue with the binary-ness of “student” one day, “scholar” (or squalor) the next.  It is important, of course, to allow oneself (and one’s friends, and one’s poor, devolving family who have heretofore been pinging between denial and rumination)

to sit,

to really sit,

perhaps for a long, long time,

perhaps uncomfortably so,

probably even in a non-preferred space

with the reality that there may be certain halls you will be traversing less often after today, some stomping grounds with fewer of your footprints for a while, some bodies who have always been near that will now, maybe for the first time, exist excruciatingly outside of arm’s reach.But, it is also important not to put too much stock in made-up markers and taut timelines and “right” ways of being present and distant, in an unruly, unpredictable, world.

This week between graduation celebrations I had opportunity to walk a labyrinth—a profound and necessary spiritual practice for me as a person who by nature and necessity tends to see the world (and my life) like a maze to be solved, or more accurately, won. Graduations are so often treated as the conquering of a system of such mazes devised by powers seeking to confound— or at least to demand proof that one is unconfoundable— and thus truly worthy of setting forth into the world (often nauseatingly referred to this time of year as “real life”). Add in the oft-accompanying awards ceremonies of commencement season and the keen observer will note more attention to (and more awarding for) pomp than circumstance.

Some will be granted passage or merit during the ceremony because of the lifelines they have had to buoy them when they have found themselves out of their depth or reach. Others will be passed over on graduation day, or in perpetuity, not for lack of intellect, skill, or desire, but because of their smaller, broken, or non-existent nets of protection.

The word maze evokes starting lines, timers, and a “May the BEST girl win”, mentality. What I would love about a more labyrinthine approach to graduation is the recognition that this was not a game that could be won or lost by right or wrong action, but more like a set of paths for a set of people all winding inward toward some central aspiration and all ending up at points of nearness and farness from that desired goal in both predictable and unpredictable ways over time.

My labyrinth walk this week was fairly unremarkable as I proceeded step by step—no big insights gained or problems solved, at least not any of which I was aware with each movement toward and away from that center point and then back circuitously out. But damned, if I did not weep as I always do when I found myself back where I started.

I am always relieved to find, to be reminded that not all things,not even all important things must be bullied into submission by my bootstrapping calculus and grit. Many things, even big, important things, are not traps to be outsmarted,  but rather trips to be experienced. And trips,  are complicated wonderful things full of new and old encounters, perfectly executed plans paired with happy accidents –and also plain-old, regular, annoying plans, and outright disasters.

Each time I step out of a labyrinth I am done with that particular trip—I have graduated in a sense. But just as much as I am done, I am also undone, and not yet done, because all of our experiences, places, and people wind up coming with us wherever we go (or remain), whether we intend them to or not.

So, graduation, I believe, is a moment of leaving behind, but it is also a slow and lifelong process of bringing along. Graduation happens in the moment of confirmation, to be sure, but “real life” was all the moments leading up to that and all the ones that come after, so I wish a happy graduation to all of us today

as we continue,

and diverge from the paths set before us,

step by sacred step.